The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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