she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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