After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
