I bet he comes in French.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
