Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
