I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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