Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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