and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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