Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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