I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
