All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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