I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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