i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
