I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
