Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
