i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
