fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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