you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
