You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
