Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
