So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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