Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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