Tell her she can't have a vagina
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
