i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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