Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
being pregnant is like rehab
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
