remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
