I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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