He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
