Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
