i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
