No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
