Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
