In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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