Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
