im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize