Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
