I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
