I cannot find my penis.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Randomize
