can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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