chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
