Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize