How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize