Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
