what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
