dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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