You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
