i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
