Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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