I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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