Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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