I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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