she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize