I hate your face
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
