Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
