im six kinds of drunk right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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