playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
