either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
