THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
