All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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