You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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