return my video game
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
