Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
