What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
