oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
