if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize