we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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