spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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