Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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