but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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