Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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