I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
