What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
