god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
