Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize