As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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