The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize