I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this just has baby written all over it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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