He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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