She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
