Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
