It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
