so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
