I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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