ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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