Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
