Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
