I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
