I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize