He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
